Meeting My ADHD Brain in Mid Life

Being diagnosed with ADHD in my forties has been both confronting and illuminating in equal parts. It’s helped me make sense of myself and my life in ways that are still unfolding and to seek the support I need to thrive in this world that, let’s face it, is pretty challenging for people that struggle to think straight and get the dishes done! 

There were three discoveries that led me to seek a diagnosis in the first place.

1/ I had someone in my team with ADHD so I started reading up about it to work out how to be the best most supportive manager I could be for her. The more I read and learned, the more I started to wonder… and then, in the middle of a conversation with this colleague, she came right out and said ‘are you sure you don’t have ADHD?’ (Well… err.. umm… no, not really!)

2/ When I was growing up in the 80’s girls were not diagnosed with ADHD (or autism much for that matter). It was only the boys that were throwing furniture and literally climbing walls that were being diagnosed (probably because of the disruption caused in the classroom). Through my research I learned that it’s only recently that girls are also being diagnosed – and that they just act very differently to boys. Instead of acting out, they often turn their aggressive restless energy inwards. It shows up as anxiety and depression instead of behaviour issues and anger. And because girls are generally more socially motivated, we learn to mask at a much earlier age in order to ‘fit in’ and ‘be accepted’. In fact, we often go into over-drive with that and become people pleasers. I certainly did.

3/ Through my research I also learned that the hormonal changes that happen during perimenopause can make the symptoms of ADHD worse. This means you can be trucking along just fine until suddenly you are not. I happened to have developed some very effective strategies for managing my symptoms without even realising that’s what I was doing (like exercise and yoga and choosing a partner who could do detail). But suddenly these things were not enough on their own any more.

With these three discoveries, I went along to my GP who said… ‘ah, yes, of course! Let’s explore that. That led to the expensive and extensive process involving Occupational therapists, psychiatrists, blood tests and overall health tests and surveys and interviews with myself and also friends, family and colleagues… to result in a ‘Congratulations, you have ADHD’ award and party with streamers and champagne. Ok, so I digress (ADHD brain taking over on the editorial flow there!) There were no awards, streamers or champagne… but in a way there was that same sense of ‘oh wow’ inside my head. I embraced it, for the most part, and welcomed how much sense it made of my life. Including:

• How I completely failed to complete what should have been a simple task last year in my job. Without going into boring details, I had done what most people would think was the ‘hard’ part of the project. The negotiations and stakeholder management (cause I love the people stuff). All that was left was to write up the paper for executive sign off and get the damn data in the right damn cells and the correct dates and details in the correct place and (yeah the boring detail stuff). And I literally couldn’t do it. I never really liked the boring parts of my job and I used to procrastinate like hell, but I’d eventually (when I had someone breathing down my neck) get it done. But this was different. I had people breathing down my neck and I still could not get it done. I was staring at this excel document like only half of it was English and numerals that I understood and the rest was something else. I kept on trying to get it done despite my inability but making stupid mistakes that my boss had to keep fixing and was getting increasingly frustrated about. Now I know that this is because my perimenopausal hormonal fluctuations were taking my normal level of ADHD and turning up the dial. And now I know that ADHD brains have less dopamine and really struggle to be able to perform tasks they don’t enjoy. But at the time I just thought I was dumb. This was a common theme through school, actually, as well, which brings me to my next point.

  
  

• When I was in year 12 I really wanted to study naturopathy at Lismore Uni. Out of all the things that’s what called me. But, I spent more time partying and dancing and writing poetry about how screwed the education system was then studying so I didn’t get the marks (and studied creative arts instead). 

  
  

• All the other troubles through school – being told I had potential if I didn’t spend so much time day dreaming, or that I was asking too many questions not to mention the social issues of always feeling like the odd one out… the list goes on

  
  

• The constant restlessness

  
  

• The panic attacks and anxiety

  
  

• The forgetfulness

  
  

• The risk taking behaviours (especially in my youth) and love of adrenaline producing extreme sports like rock climbing and mountain biking

  
  

• My extreme sensitivity to rejection (the list goes on but I’ll cut it here).

  
  

It all suddenly made sense. I wasn’t too much or not enough or weird or broken. I was just me and I had (have) ADHD.

In addition to my big long list above, I also realised that the ADHD is probably what drives my adventurousness and what is underneath my creativity. It’s what causes me to seek (and make) fun and to play and to explore and be curious. It’s what helps me to take risk and be spontaneous and be great under pressure. It gives me my spark.

So is it a disability or a super power? I think both. Would I prefer it otherwise? Definitely not. I love this new understanding of how I tick, and I fully 100 percent embrace it.

I hope that, in sharing my story it may help others to also discover and embrace their neurodivergence. Here’s to being unique individuals and divergence in all of it’s forms.

Also, if you think you may be in this fascinating and wonderful yet tumultuous and chaotic boat and you’d like to reach out and have a healthy chat with me – please do! I’d love that.