An Invitation - Life as Ceremony

The next chapter in our Men's Health Month 2025 blog series -

Honest reflections on the wounds men carry, and the healing that's possible.

I have a brief story I want to share about a ceremony I designed for myself.

When I was a teenager at high school I felt pretty unsafe a lot of the time.

Each day it felt a bit like being in prison - don’t hold eye contact with the wrong people or you might get into a fight.

Put your head down and be submissive, or get into a fight.

I wasn’t great at being submissive, so sometimes I got into fights.

Around this time, I walked past a bookshop and saw a book which was a bestseller at the time;

The title was ‘Thick Face, Black Heart’

It was a business book. Its subtitle was: the Warrior Philosophy for Conquering the Challenges of Business and Life.

I read these words and I thought, ‘Yes! That’s me. That’s what I’ve been practicing. That’s how to stay safe in the world, and take care of business.’

It felt affirming and even exhilarating to have my survival strategy named so accurately.

I was a black hearted warrior, conquering the challenges of life.

I never read the book. I didn’t need to - I felt like I could have written it.

Years later, as a young adult at university, I was feeling the cost of that strategy.

Thick Face, Black Heart is not a good way to get girlfriends, or any kind of friends.

I felt alone, awkward and envious of the ease and joyfulness of my red-hearted peers.

In search of healing, I signed up for a vision quest - a four-day solo vigil in wild nature.

I went into that quest wearing a black headband.

And for the first three days I sat in the pain and desolation of Thick Face, Black Heart.

I felt shunned by nature, exiled from Life.

But I wanted to feel, right to my very core, the full cost and consequence of the Black Heart.

At sunrise, on the final morning, I took off the black headband.

I replaced it with the red headband I’d brought (they came in a handy three pack from the local chemist - black, red and blue)

Facing the sunrise I spoke out loud, declaring my commitment to the Soft Face, the Heart’s Light.

I’m telling you this story partly to illustrate the power of simplicity.

From the outside, I just spent a few days on my own and replaced one headband for another.

From the inside, it was momentous.

A turning point in my life path, and perhaps the most empowered and inspiring action of my young life.

It’s our intention that makes the ceremony sacred.

It’s how much we bring of ourselves.

Our vulnerability, our yearning, our need.

Our prayers, calling out for healing, for clarity, for transformation as though it was oxygen.

As though it was the antidote.

The invitation is for us to pour ourselves into our lives as though it were a sacred ceremony. 

To dare to give it everything you have to give. 

Dare to ask for what you truly need. 

Dare to ask for answers.

To dare to ask for help from Life, which includes the humans around us.

Dare to believe that transformation is possible.

For you.

Today.

Do you dare?

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This post is an excerpt from Tending the Garden of the Heart - a 30 day Journey of Emotional and Mental Self-care and Healing by Lee Trew.

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About the Writer

Lee Trew is a Storyteller and Psychotherapist with a particular interest in pan-cultural spiritual language, concepts and practises. He specialises in personal transformation, relationships and parenting and is known for distilling complicated concepts down to their essence.

He believes the cutting edge of cultural repair is based around connection, especially that within individuals and families, and has developed Rapport Based Relating - a framework for working with children - as well as Connection Culture through which he offers Holistic Psychotherapy training.

Stay tuned here for Lee's upcoming online offering around emotional flow for men, Riding the Beast.

Lee is currently offering Tending the Garden of the Heart - a 30 Day online Journey of Mental and Emotional Healing, with a particular invitation to men interested in following a healing journey. Find out more here.

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Remember - the Community Clinic's Men’s Health Month Special Offer is live ALL OF JUNE.

We’re offering free therapy sessions for all new male clients.

Register Here  and one of our therapists will be in touch to arrange your session.

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