Reflections on Masculinity and Becoming an Elder

Timothy Strichow
Jun 17
3 min read

The next chapter in our Men's Health Month 2025 blog series -

Honest reflections on the wounds men carry, and the healing that's possible.

So, the question has been posed to me regarding masculinity - what it means to me, and how it relates to becoming an elder in today’s world as a man.

Something I’ve struggled with my entire life.

Something that has been challenged time and time again.

My personal pursuit of masculinity has led me down various paths.

Some very dark indeed, some full of light, love, and hope for self and others, and a deep respect for this world we live in today.

I had everything I needed as a child:

schooling, a warm, safe home, parents that loved me, siblings to grow with and learn from.

But I struggled with my own understanding of being a man.

I lacked self-confidence and sought role models in those men around me that were present at the time - my sister’s boyfriends, male peers, work colleagues, even through television and societal norms.

This became a trend for many years to come.

I am, and always have been, a deeply emotional being - loving, caring, compassionate, and passionate.

Unfortunately, through my high school years and as I pursued careers in the trade industry, this level of empathy and emotional connection with self and others was frowned upon, seen as a weakness, and often exploited or ridiculed.

“Harden up, princess.”

“You need a cup of concrete.”

“Men don’t show emotion - they don’t cry.”

“Don’t show love, or share feelings with other men.”

So very confusing for me, as I had a deep desire to do so. For a genuine connection. Not to say I didn’t cross paths with the occasional male of like-mind.

Generally, conversation was kept guarded, one-on-one. You could not show weakness or vulnerability in a group. The male bravado that came out in these group scenarios was toxic, to say the least.

And against my better personal beliefs, I took part - to fit in, to be one of the guys.

I sought refuge and solace in my loving wife and children.

My family.

My place of safety.

I could be myself.

I could breathe.

I could be.

The role of provider, procurer, and protector shone strong in this space.

Trial and error, and a lack of judgement, guided my growth immeasurably through my beautiful family unit.

A life-changing series of events occurred in my 40s that led me to reevaluate myself, my life, my thought processes and actions. The persona and ideas I had acquired around masculinity.

The old question rose with a different spin:

What does it mean to me to be a man?

Not taking on another’s thoughts, ideas, or values.

But what does it truly mean for me?

So a new journey began; solitude, reflection, research, soul-searching. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone with action and overcoming fears to do the uncomfortable work.

It’s a journey indeed, one that has taken four years to date and will proceed into the unseen future.

Quite addictive, in fact.

It’s led me to meditation, journaling, Vision Quest, and fasting.

Deep reflection & connection with nature.

Counselling, and a growing ability to tap my wounds and grieve deeply.

Breathwork, 12-step programs, spiritual retreats, alternative lifestyle festivals.

Dance, song & music.

Seeking, searching, conversing, and questioning.

Opening my heart and listening to my intuition.

Self-honesty & an ability to share with others.

Discarding or unlearning 50 years of learnt behaviour.

Giving myself permission to feel, a voice to speak, a body to move.

Accepting me for who I am.

Learning to love self unconditionally.

Accepting I’m flawed, I’m human.

Laughing at my mistakes.

Acknowledging my strengths and accepting my weaknesses.

Being proud of my achievements and compassionate when I falter or fall - with an understanding this is part of the process.

Learning.

Incorporating my sacred masculine and feminine sides.

I can proudly say today I am more authentically myself than ever before in my life. And in being so, I am attracting like-minded people that seek the same -

who share the same drive for knowledge and pursuit of the unknown.

The connection between spirit, soul, and self. The desire to become wholly and unapologetically myself.

Today I embody my masculinity as a blessing. I look inward, trust myself, and act accordingly. I don’t harm self or others in order to prove my worth as a man.

I am proud of who I am today in every aspect of my life - work, study, love, family, friends.

I am proud to be me.