A Case for Grief

August newsletter 2025 / Seeing the Trees AND the Forest - Feature Story

"Q: A businessman, a lawyer and a doctor all walk into a bar.

what did they have in common?

A: They were each carrying a grief-case"

Welcome to August! I thought I'd greet you with a hilariously unfunny dad-joke that my subconscious made up when I was having a dream about Psychotherapy trivia. In the dream I had 30 seconds to come up with Psychotherapy jokes, and I remember urgently thinking in the dream 'what rhymes with 'briefcase?'. My dream-logic had decided every good therapy joke had to be about office culture and patriarchy.

I spent most of the next waking day sniggering at the type humour my unconscious spoke in. For the record, my dream also came up with a 2-option joke:

Q: How many Psychotherapists does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: Does the light-bulb even need to change?

Also A: Or do we just change our relationship to the lightbulb?

As embarrassing as they are, these jokes stuck because lately I’ve been thinking about grief - and how, in some way, we each carry our own grief-case.

What “grief” really means

 

Our understanding of the word grief has been going through an evolution. It used to mean:

...that thing you did or felt when someone died.

Another word for 'mourning' or 'pining', or just feeling sad.

Now we understand it as a process that can arise from many kinds of loss - not just death, but disconnection, disappointment, and change.The five classic stages (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) are now joined by others: Shame, Fear, Loneliness, Regret.. and more.

Grief shows up whenever something we value is separated from us - or we are separated from it. This can mean:

• Grieving childhood injustices and unfulfilled potentials

• Grieving climate destruction or extinctions

• Grieving the loss of a relationship’s old shape or safety

I’ve always loved the idea of “wounds of connection” — core hurts like abandonment, betrayal, rejection, or injustice. Grief is the open space these wounds leave. And connection its antidote or even the action of grief itself. Connection is what grief seeks.

The river, the waves, and the letting go

 

Some call it the River of Grief. You can swim with it or against it - either way, you’re in the water.

Elizabeth Gilbert describes grief as waves: sometimes she feels one coming, lies on the floor to cry or rage, and when it passes, gets up and carries on - knowing the next wave will arrive in its own time.

Feelings in the body are surprisingly fleeting - about 90 seconds if allowed to move through. It’s the story we attach to them that can last for years, especially if we suppress the energy in the moment. That stored-up grief can create stress, trauma responses, and dysregulation.

But when we surrender to the process, there’s an opening — a “yes” to life where before there was only “no.”

Perhaps to grieve is simply to feel

Grief is more than sadness. It’s the willingness to meet disappointment, regret, and pain — and also acceptance, allowing, and even grace.

If grieving is feeling, then feeling is life, allowed. Just as it is.

This month, perhaps we can each give ourselves permission to carry our grief-cases - or even to open them and look inside. Not as burdens to hide away, but as sacred parts of the whole forest we belong to.

If this stirs a curiosity or a need in you, we invite you to book in with one of our therapists - someone to walk beside you as you recognise, feel, and honour your own process.

Bookings are open now - simply click below to find your therapist and make a time.

Wishing you a beautiful weekend. 

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About the Writer

Michelle McCosker is a vibrant and creative person, certified in both Holistic Psychotherapy and Art Therapy. Her life experiences and playful approach provide profound wisdom in her work. She gently guides her clients through old wounds at their own pace, utilising the resources already within their own inner landscape, offering compassion and clarity, helping them access their innate wisdom and self-acceptance. She calls this 'healing from the inside'.

Michelle also offers 1:1 online Holistic Psychotherapy and Art Therapy Sessions (online and in-person) outside of clinic hours.

Michelle is currently a Community Steward for the Connection Culture Community which includes care-taking the Clinic, Mentoring Students and offering focussed study sessions 'Empowered Practice' to Holistic Psychotherapy students studying Lee Trew's model.

Read more about her here.